Learning to Surrender: My VBAC Story

“Looking back now, almost two months later, I can see that this birth was about so much more than the outcome. It was about learning to surrender, to trust God’s timing over my own, and to find strength in Him when I had none left.”

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost two months since I welcomed my son into the world. With a little distance from those first intense days, I can finally look back and begin to process what was truly one of the most challenging, and transformative experiences of my life.

What I thought would be a peaceful Christmas Day delivery turned into a 48-hour journey that stretched me in every possible way, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

After two previous Cesarean sections, I chose to attempt a TOLAC, hoping for a VBAC. It wasn’t just about the experience, it was about finally giving my body the chance it hadn’t had before. My first birth ended in a Cesarean due to fetal distress, and my second followed just 12 months later. This time, I felt ready. I built a supportive team, but more importantly, I placed my trust in God.

Labor began at 1:15 a.m. on Christmas morning. At first, I brushed it off as Braxton Hicks, but by 3 a.m., my water began to break in small amounts, and I knew it was time. I labored at home before heading to the hospital, where the hours began to stretch longer than I ever imagined.

My baby was in a less-than-ideal position, and progress was slow. I stayed at 3 centimeters for what felt like forever, I opted for using a Foley bulb (balloon) which  eventually helped me reach 5cm, but he remained high. As the hours passed and exhaustion set in, my body eventually went into shock, and labor stalled completely.

In that moment, I was forced to surrender.

I remember quietly praying, “Lord, I trust You. However this ends, let it be for Your glory and for the safety of my baby.” It was no longer about controlling the outcome, it was about trusting through the unknown.

We tried a few things to kickstart labor back up again and though they did help it wasn't fast enough, with my midwife’s guidance, we started a low dose of Pitocin to keep labor moving. The contractions intensified beyond anything I had experienced. I tried to manage them naturally at first, but eventually I asked for an epidural just to get some rest.

Even then, my baby still needed help getting into position. And this is where I am especially grateful because I was not alone.

I had two incredible doulas by my side, Kaylie and Becca, who supported me every step of the way. Along with my husband, they were my constant encouragement through the hardest moments. They helped guide me through countless position changes to get my baby into the right position, advocated for me when I couldn’t find the words, and reminded me of my strength when I began to doubt myself.

Time was becoming a factor, and I was given one last window before we would have to reassess.

Then, everything changed.

After what felt like endless effort, I was checked again, 9.5 centimeters. Nearly complete.

But as I began pushing, I realized my epidural was no longer working. Somewhere along the way, it had likely shifted. There would be no numbing the intensity—I would feel everything.

And I did.

Pushing was raw and overwhelming, but in those moments, I leaned fully into my faith. When I felt like I had nothing left, God carried me through.

And then, my son was here—healthy, strong, and perfect. He was born December 26th at 10:01pm. 

After nearly two days of labor, I achieved my VBAC after two Cesareans, and I know without a doubt that it was through the support of my team, my husband, and God’s grace that I was able to do it.

Looking back now, almost two months later, I can see that this birth was about so much more than the outcome. It was about learning to surrender, to trust God’s timing over my own, and to find strength in Him when I had none left.

Motherhood has a way of teaching us that lesson again and again.

And this time, it changed me.